Picking our way around DC (it's funny because it's a double entendre)

It has come to my attention that I have not been posting enough (or really any) pictures. Thank you family for the one billion reminders. The thing is that I hate pictures, specifically being in them. Ever since I was a kid my dad has been famous for never smiling in them (he too hates being in photos) and his new thing is to pick his nose. So because it is an Englebrecht family tradition, and I can't do anything without being a little bit sassy/trolley I finally took some photos. I hope you're all happy.

Super hard at work, as you can see. My dad wanted a picture to show my grandma what I do at work. This is pretty accurate. Oh p.s. that is papa Englebrecht.

Contemplating life in Alexandria outside of the Torpedo Art Factory (which incidentally is pretty sweet).

Being classy at the National Gallery of Art. There were roughly 40 other tourists waiting to sit in this spot for a photo at the time. No shame in my game.

I am pretty sure that while this photo was being taken my dad was saying, "Quick lets hurry so we can lose Laura (my stepmom) in the trees." #familymemories

I am mostly covering the White House with my giant head, but it's there I promise.

The Naval Yard Museum.  Definitely recommend, super cool and basically no loud stupid children. #Ihatekids

Cherry Blossom Brunch Boat Tour. They ran out of maple sausage. My dad was super upset about it. Oh hey also, the Washington Monument.

The Brunch Boat Tour boat. I really wanted to request the DJ play "My heart will go on" but ultimately decided it would be inappropriate. Because you know, I am such a proper lady obviously.

Hill Dog 4 Life

If you haven't become aware of my love of Hillary Clinton, then you must have forgotten how to read. So naturally, this week was only the best week of my life of all time ever. Because I am exhausted and heavily laden with work crammed into my last 2 weeks of life here at HHS, I decided to showcase my newly learned skill (thanks internship!) of info-graphics. I have created the best ever campaign poster in the history of the world. Hill dog if you're listening, I will sell it to you for the cost of one of your pants suits which I will keep in a giant frame displayed over my mantle. You're welcome.

Misandry vs. Feminism (Learn the Difference)

There have been several times since moving to DC where I have heard women say, "I'm not a feminist, I'm not one of those crazy man haters. But I do want equal wages." Or you know, some other form of that where they try to distance themselves from the feminist label while still touting feminist ideals. If you (as a woman or a man) feel that women deserve equal pay, are under represented in government/media/whatever, are misrepresented by gender stereotypes, are treated as sexual objects in the media, or really about a billion other womens' issues I could list, you're a feminist honey. This term has been dragged through the mud by people who don't understand it and is now misrepresented as misandry, something that most sane women don't want to be associated with. So since I am really tired of people assuming that I am a man hater, you and I are going to sit down and learn the difference between feminism and misandry, and talk about why women need feminism. So sit down, shut up, and listen. Ready?

Would Elijah Wood support feminism? Elijah wood. (get it?)

Would Elijah Wood support feminism? Elijah wood. (get it?)

First let's define misandry. Websters dictionary defines it as, "a hatred of men." There will some loud mouths who will tell you that feminists only recently invented that term and it's not really a thing. They're wrong, the term was first seen in 1909 (again straight from Websters dictionary) and if 106 years ago is still recent for you than you need to go back to 2nd grade math before you express an opinion. It is the opposite of misogyny, otherwise known as the hatred of women. Misandrists are big supporters of the idea of "rape culture" and that all male viewpoints serve as oppression on women. You know, that woman who walks down the street and gets a polite smile and then shouts rape. Misandry is most often confused with feminism because "man haters" falsely identify themselves as feminists, and unfortunately most people aren't intelligent enough to know the difference. Lucky for you, after years of frustration and plenty of research, I am. So below are the reasons that we all need feminism, be prepared I am about to hit you with some facts.

1. The largest provider of scholarships to women in the world, involves a swimsuit competition.

Yes, that's correct, Miss America is the largest provider of scholarship funds to women in the entire world. A contest that you have to be beautiful/skinny/unmarried/without children to even be considered for. There has been a lot of speculation about whether or not this is true, and they do fudge the numbers to claim that they have $45,000,000 available in scholarship funds. They take the amount of money in potential scholarship funds they could give (to every contest winner or not, in every state, to every college) and tout that all over television and the internet. BUT even if you take into account that the amount they actually spend is $482,000 they are in fact still the #1 provider of scholarships for women in the entire WORLD. My beautiful mother was once in a beauty pageant, she was smarter (as in she has a doctorate degree) and in my opinion more beautiful than all the women up there. She lost because her walk wasn't good enough. I need feminism because the worlds largest providers of scholarships for women is determined by the size of your waist and whiteness of your teeth, rather than anything that actually matters. 

2. The Wage Gap

There's a lot of controversy surrounding this "myth" and whether or not it's true. I went to several different websites, Forbes, PEW Research, The Washington Post, the American Association of University Women, and thinkprogress.org. While they report their statistics differently, they all agree that there is in fact a pay gap. Now the statistic that says that women make 77 cents to every dollar a man makes is taken out of the population as a whole. It doesn't account for differences in occupation and that can be misleading. However, the pay gap still exists, meaning women make less than their male counterparts working the same job. PEW (I am using this because it is the least political and therefore not choosing a strawman argument) reports the wage gap being closer to 86 cents for every dollar a man makes when working in the same profession. For young women it is even less at 93 cents, but as you get older your stock goes down and you will fall into the 86 cent gap. PEW's write up of this data sort of sounds like they're saying, "come on, this isn't that bad." But the fact that there is even a wage gap at all, simply is unacceptable. I really don't care if it is 86 cents versus 77, it should be non-existent. I genuinely can't even think of a good reason to believe that women should be valued less, and therefor I would say that every man and woman should be a feminist in this regard.  

3.the fact that the capitol is a big old sausage fest

There is no way that I can ever in my life express this enough. Women make up only 20% of the seats in the senate, and 19.3% of the seats in the house. That means that women make up a mere 19.4% of congress even though we make up over 50% of the total US population. Even worse, is that only 31.7% of the women in congress are women of color. You go to a committee hearing and it's basically a room full of old white dudes with one or two women thrown in the mix. If you're one of those people who don't believe women can handle being in office because our uterus makes us too emotional, I suggest that you go play in the street until you get punched in the face by a car. No one said anything about John Boehner's uterus when he cried on camera (lawl). When you are the only developed country in the world who hasn't had a female president, I suggest there is something seriously wrong with said country (*cough* America *cough*). According to PEW 63 other countries (out of 137 countries with data available) have had a female running the government, and America ranks 83rd on the list for number of women in the national legislature. For the "greatest" country in the world that is incredibly depressing. If anyone can come up with a reason why this is acceptable that doesn't involve our anatomy, please do share so I can tell you you're wrong. 

Hill Dog 2016

Hill Dog 2016

4. If you're a brovary don't concern yourself with my ovary

Lastly for today feminist ranting (because it is all I have time for), please all male senators for the love of god stop making my lady parts your business. It is mildly hilarious (and also soul crushing) that my uterus can be controlled by people who don't even have one. This is mine, not yours. I do not recall ever signing a statement saying, "oh hey US government would you like a share in my body?" Not even touching on the A-word lets consider oral contraceptives, why is it any of your business if I take them and what method I choose? I saw an article posted on my facebook wall that was saying a Colorado lawmaker has decided that IUD's are abortion devices. GIVE ME A BREAK. If you won't let women make their own choices post-prego, at least let us make choices to keep from getting prego. That's all I am going to say about that before I start getting death threats via email. 

Good luck getting that out of your head. #QueenB

Good luck getting that out of your head. #QueenB

Are things changing? Sure they are. But while there are still people out there like creepy Todd (my landlord) who think my brain is controlled by my ovaries and I would set off a nuclear war because I am PMSing, we haven't won yet. Hopefully, as people become more educated there won't be this push back of women against the Feminist movement because they think it means hating men and being a lesbian (though there is nothing wrong with diving in the lady pool). I sure am happy I don't live in a world where I have to learn how to be a good housewife and stay home cooking/cleaning/having babies all day. I was lucky to have an incredibly hard working/intelligent/beautiful mother who showed me that women can do whatever they want. She was a professor/mother/kickass lady. Even my stepmother was the first ever female Samoan Pilot at Delta Airlines. So I am not ashamed to be a feminist, because I want my children (or cats, because lets be honest that's not happening) to grow up in a world where men and women are truly equal. So until next time:

Job Searching in DC (some pointers, but mostly just me whining)

Congratulations real world, you have done it. You have taken the last doe eyed optimist part of me, and buried it deep beneath cynicism and jadedness. 

How you ask? Two words: Job Search. Now I am hardly one to be one of those people who go around without a care in the world, sputtering happiness and thinking the world is composed of sunshine and unicorns. But some little part of me thought that when I came to DC, I would leave having found gainful employment. I'm smart, my resume is pretty good for a 24 year old, and damn it I am top of things. Who wouldn't want to hire me? Oh that's right....every job I applied to. So because I am about to lose my mind (my cube-mate/fellow intern can confirm) I have complied a list of why I hate the job market. 

1. Entry level positions that require 3+ years experience?!

If it's been said by one poor/starving college graduate it's been said by a million: how am I supposed to gain enough experience for an entry level position if no one will hire me for not having enough experience!? I have seen this roughly a billion million times by now. But still, you apply anyways with every hope they'll find something special in your resume. You wait, not at all patiently, only to have your heart stop beating when you see a response in your inbox. What's it going to say? Did you get an interview? Of course you didn't Susie, your college degree, extracurricular activities, previous work experience, deans list awards, and stellar recommendations are no longer enough to get you a job. So just pop open that bottle of wine and cry while you read your rejection email, blotting your tears with your student loan bills. 

MR14om3.gif

2. It's all about who you know Dah-ling

I'm going to say it, DC is a tough town if you (like me) are a nobody. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the words, "It's all about networking" I would have enough dollars to feed myself. I don't have a daddy who's a big wig, or a sister who's a famous attorney (get on that Alyssa, HONESTLY quit being so selfish!). No, I am just little old me in a very big city. The jobs are out there, but apparently if you don't have any personal connections with whoever is doing the hiring, your resume is going to join their half eaten lunch in the trash bin. I worked too hard on that thing to have it be covered in last weeks egg salad. Luckily, the Hinckley does know people, and have helped me build my network (thank you!). It's all about the hustle. But on a personal note, it shouldn't be. If I am more qualified than the bro who used to binge drink in the same fraternity house as you, then you should hire me instead.  

3. Wait, you have more experience than we ask for? Lawl good luck bro. 

So I applied to this job which I was actually over qualified for. All of the skills/experience listed on the application were already listed in my resume, and then some. I'm thinking, what a great backup! But no, I didn't even make it to the first round interview. So let me get this straight, I either have too much experience or not enough? Is there no middle ground DC? None? No that's cool, I am overqualified for being homeless too, but I am sure they'll take me. 

4. Well why don't you just start with an internship?

Oh god, why didn't I think of that? Maybe because I have already done 3, am very rapidly approaching 25, and wasn't adopted by Daddy Warbucks. As much as my parents love me, they can't keep giving me free money. Nor would I really want them to, I am an adult. I need a job that pays in actual money. I mean, really? I need to do FOUR internships to land ONE job? If that is the truth, I don't want to live in this world anymore. 

5. You're having a hard time finding a job? I already got one that pays a billion dollars a year and I'll get to summer in the Hamptons with Hillary Clinton and the Queen of England. 

You know who you are, smug interns around DC. I have met many of you out and about, and never in my whole life have I ever wanted to duck tape someones mouth quite as hard. A) I don't believe that you negotiated your way into a job that doesn't exist before you're even a senior in college and B) Just...... Stahp. 

6. It'll all work out how it's supposed to, don't worry.

I understand that when people tell me this, it is meant to be helpful. That is something that registers in my mind. But honestly? The job market is hard, especially for new college graduates. Don't worry? How about I don't worry my way right into my parents basement and unemployment checks. How about that? Don't tell me about how 40 years ago you too were worried about finding a job and then got hired right out of college. I don't want to hear about how while you were looking for employment you met the love of your life and then found the most rewarding job was being a wife. Definitely don't tell me that Jesus has a plan for me, or a destiny, or whatever else you think of. I haven't been to confession ever, haven't been to church since I was about 12, never got confirmed, or whatever else constitutes being a good Christian/Catholic (I honestly couldn't even tell you which church we attended). Cat's out of the bag bro, Jesus doesn't care about my employment, he is not taking the wheel.

You guys don't understand how long I have been waiting to use this.

You guys don't understand how long I have been waiting to use this.

7. Just keeping working hard.

Really? I was going to stop working hard and see how that paid off. Thank god you said something.

1UKxOtZ.gif

 

Disclaimer: This is mostly meant to be sarcasm. I don't actually believe I will be homeless or unemployed forever. I am, however, losing my mind. So please don't take offense to the offhand rantings of a madwoman. Unless you're going to tell me it's all in gods plan, in that case...take offense.

Obama Hates America *WINK*

Rudy Giuliani did the people of America a service a couple weeks ago by uncovering yet another liberal agenda Obama plot (will they stop at nothing?). He revealed (after careful consideration), that Obama DOESN'T LOVE AMERICA. Someone get this guy a medal of honor or something, he is a national treasure. This theory is as factual as the time that republicans revealed that Obama is in fact a Muslim, who was not even born in America. So what if he released his birth certificate? An authentic, government issued, certificate of birth from the State of Hawaii proves nothing. 

In case you missed this American hero's act of heroism, at a private dinner event on February 18th Giuliani proclaimed:

“I do not believe, and I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I do not believe that the president loves America, he doesn't love you. And he doesn't love me. He wasn't brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.”

That is obviously because he isn't even American. He was brought up in Muslim terrorist land where they teach everyone to hate America. AM I RIGHT AMERICA!?

It's fun to pretend sometimes. But now it's time for truth, something that Rudy Giuliani isn't well acquainted with. Before I get into the reasons that Obama loves America... I would just like to dissect the part of his argument when he decides that Obama wasn't brought up like you and me. I am going to give Giuliani the benefit of the doubt and assume he knows that Hawaii is in fact part of America. So what is he talking about? In defense of his words, which many assumed had a heavy dose of racism to them, he said (and I am not making this up):

"Some people thought it was racist -- I thought that was a joke, since he was brought up by a white mother, a white grandfather, went to white schools, and most of this he learned from white people."

Ok so it's not a race thing (even though it still kind of is), and it's not a geography thing since we have learned time and time again that Obama is American. No, Rudy is claiming that Obama is an "anti-colonialist." I fail to understand how it is a bad thing to have a president who is an anti-colonialist, it being that colonialism is literally defined as:

  1. the policy or practice of acquiring full or partial political control over another country, occupying it with settlers, and exploiting it economically.

Damn it Obama, why aren't you down with exploitation!? It's sooo hip and also sooo 18th-19th century. Rudy Giuliani clearly is much more with the times, it being that colonialism ended after WWII. Why can't we just #TBT to the Golden Age of Colonialism and go ruin Africa for the rest of time? O wait... we already did that. 

So now that I have gotten that out of my system...here are the reasons Obama has proven he loves America:

1. Remember that time that he made sure everyone could have affordable Healthcare?

908274_o.gif

For those of you who can't read or do any form of research ever, the Affordable Healthcare Act made it so that American families can afford healthcare. Yes, it is affordable. No, it doesn't cost more than you used to pay. Yes, you can receive stipends to help you pay for it.  No, I don't care that eventually you will have to get healthcare. I am tired of hearing people complain that they're sick and then following it up with, "I don't have healthcare so I can't see a doctor." You could/should have it, you just don't. If you, like me, understand the ACA you will know that any president who aims to end the exploitative/exclusive/discriminatory nature of the private healthcare sector (so that your whining butt can see a doctor about that mysterious rash), loves America. (side note: just thinking about this sent me on a rampage, so my next post will be debunking myths about the ACA.)

2. Remember that time he got us out of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression?

If there is any sign of a president who hates America, it is one who makes sure that you can put a roof over your head and food in your belly. I mean, the audacity. As of 1/14/15, 2014 was the best year for job creation since 1999 and unemployment was at 5.6% (the lowest it's been since 2000). Republicans tend to hail Reagan as being the best president in modern history for the economy, but Obama has consistently outperformed him and this is with a massive portion of the population getting ready to retire rather than go to work (unlike for Reagan). I am 99.9% sure Giuliani would never call Reagan Anti-American. 

3. Remember that time he allowed gays to serve openly in the military by repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell?

Not only does this show that Obama loves America, but it shows he loves Americans of all sexual orientations. Not just straight Americans. He also allowed the LGBTQ community to show they love America by serving, without having to hide who they are from all of their peers. That's all I am going to say about that, because that's all that needs saying

4. Remember that time that he invested in renewable energy and allowed the EPA to regulate carbon?

I am not going to lecture you on climate change, if you have read any of my other posts or any article by any climate scientist ever, you should know it's a man-made crisis. Obama trying to ensure the survival of nature (and therefor really the survival of man) equals love to me. It'd be cool if in 50-60 years (god forbid I reproduce) my grandchildren won't have to ask me what fresh air is. Or you know...why a big portion of the United States is underwater. The IPCC and Yale estimate at least 3 feet of sea level rise by 2100, and they even admit that this is a fairly low ball number. Thanks carbon. But also thanks Obama, for trying to stop it. Thank you on behalf of all mankind, even the ones with their head so far up their butt they'd rather listen to Bill O'Reilly than a SCIENTIST. (OK, that turned a little lecture-y)

5. Remember that time he proposed making community college free?

Sure, the bill was dead upon arrival as the Republican controlled Congress doesn't care if you can't afford college, but the idea has gained some serious traction and could become a reality once the current house/senate GTFO. I am pretty sure offering a free education = love. I am also pretty sure that denying a free education = rude. 

6. Remember that time that he supported veterans (a.k.a all the time)?

Obama has long since proved that he loves our veterans by increasing the Department of Federal Affairs Budget, and singing a new GI Bill which gives $78 million to tuition assistance and provided tax credits to businesses employing veterans. Man, he must really hate 'Merica. 

7. Remember that time Obama brought us out of the dark ages and reversed Bush's torture policies?

Some of you probably just audibly "pffft"ed at me. But hear me out. America doesn't have the best reputation when it comes to the rest of the world. Sure there are some hold outs who don't hate us, but there are just as many (if not more) who do. While Obama's move to reverse these policies were fantastic in the sense of humanism, it is also good for our rep. And we sorely need some good reputation points. 

8. Remember that time he gave immigrants a 5 year relief from deportation?

I am going to say this, and it's going to make some of you very angry. So grab a hold of your computer and try not to break anything. You are an immigrant, your family is made of immigrants, your family is not native to America. In fact, the only people who are native to America, we nearly wiped off the face of the planet. Merry Christmas, here is a blanket with small pox in it, enjoy. Parents of American citizens, and legal resident children have just as much of a right to be in this country as you do. Obama's executive action is expected to boost our GDP to $210 billion by 2024. Immigrants benefit, you benefit, we all benefit. Obama is only acting in the spirit of America which is literally a country built by immigrants, why should we choose to be some sort of exclusive club now? "Oh you want in to the America Club? I'm sorry your ancestors weren't white protestants from England, better luck next time though." -The Bouncer, probably. To love America is to want to make the "American Dream" a reality for those who seek refuge here. Just like your great great great grandmother did however many years ago. So seriously...trap it. 

Questioning a presidents love of America is pretty low. I am quite convinced that no one would ever sign up for that job if they didn't. Giuliani has tried to save face by saying he just meant Obama wants to change America and is more of a critic than an advocate. Well you know what? America needs change. Great nations will always need to change and adapt to the times or guess what? They will no longer be great nations. #OttomanEmpire anyone? To love something is to want what's best for it. If your significant other suddenly blew up to the size of Honey Boo Boo's mom would you keep buying them a Little Ceasers Stuffed Pretzel Crust Pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner?  

I could keep going, but I won't. I can only offend so many people in one day. Please send any complaints to:

  100 Sorry/Not Sorry Ave.                                                                                                           Trap it, DC 00000

I'll get back them asap I swear. 

bye.gif

Obama: The Real OG (and also the Keystone Pipeline Veto)

So in case you live under a rock and hadn't heard, last night Obama vetoed the Keystone XL Pipeline. THANK GOD. I don't know if I am allowed to say this, so I am going to go ahead and do it. Obama has been a real badass lately. One might call him....the real OG? 

Anyone who knows anything about me, or has spent approximately 15 minutes in my presence knows that I am all about saving the planet. It's my thing. So naturally, when we talk about creating a massive cross continent pipeline that will pump millions of gallons of crude oil to Mexico to be refined and then burned and turned into carbon emissions...I get a little squeamish. So I was crossing every finger and toe, praying to whatever god I could think of, and hoping beyond hope that Obama would veto. Lo and behold, he did. It has been a real riot watching the GOP reaction to this. Boehner even said that this is a victory for "environmental extremists" and "the Chinese." 

No really, I lol'd on the train.

No really, I lol'd on the train.

Lets talk about the amount of jobs it will create. According to various Fox News Anchors it will generate anywhere between 20,000 to 1,000,000 jobs. Now, that's a pretty big discrepancy there Fox. What's the real deal? The CEO of TransCanada (Yes, the actual company building the pipeline) conceded that the pipeline would create as few as 50 permanent jobs. You read that correctly, 50. Many of the jobs republicans have been promising come from temporary construction jobs, of which the CEO also admitted there would be about 9,000. But hey, who am I to say that there is a big difference between 9,000 and 1,000,000? Oh ya, someone who can count. These huge numbers come from what Keystone is calling "spin off jobs." What they do not disclose on Fox (shocker) is that for these jobs to be created, the pipeline would have to stabilize oil prices in the United States. I would just like to point out (along with Forbes, CNN, USA Today, and many other sources) that no pipeline in the history of the world has ever done that. In fact, it is estimated that the price of oil will actually rise if the pipeline goes through. Even with those two things aside, the idea of these spin off jobs is so far off in the future and dependent on so many fluctuating factors using them as a reason to say Obama hates the middle class is negligible.

So what I want to know is, why not use the 8 billion dollars the pipeline would eat and invest that into the renewable energy field. In a study conducted by UCSUSA they found that in 2011 alone, the solar industry employed 100,000 people, the wind turbine industry employed 75,000 people, and in 2009 the hydroelectric industry employed 250,000 people. Sure that Data is a few years old, but the EPA has found that renewable energy sector job growth only continues to grow. As technology becomes more sophisticated and renewable energy begins to outpace fossil fuel, the job growth could be astronomical. So chew on that whiny keystone babies.

Now beyond job growth, a big problem that Boehner and his constituents have is that the environmental effects of the pipeline would apparently be null. Just yesterday Boehner released a statement saying, "The president’s veto of the Keystone jobs bill is a national embarrassment. It’s embarrassing when Russia and China are plowing ahead on two massive pipelines and we can’t get this one no-brainer of a project off the ground.  The president is just too close to environmental extremists to stand up for America’s workers." Personally I think it's embarrassing that our own Speaker of the House doesn't understand a basic concept like carbon emissions. 

OohBurn.gif

But ok, let's talk. Most of our atmosphere is composed of nitrogen and oxygen, then about 0.05% is made up of greenhouse gases. These greenhouse gases help trap heat in the atmosphere so that it isn't a constant freezing temperature and we all die. This tiny amount of greenhouse gas keeps the earths temperature at an average of about 60 degrees. Now, carbon also traps heat in our atmosphere, and we have gone from an average of about 230 Parts per million of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere (with a peak every 100,000 years of about 250-300 PPM) to 400 parts per million since the industrial revolution. This results in the warming of our planet. If you are still confused about global warming, scroll down and read "My Weekly Rampage: Global Warming." What I'm trying to get at is, this is the second largest oil reserve in the world behind Saudi Arabia and burning all of that oil will likely raise the global climate by at least one degree. This sounds like a small number, but it could be potentially catastrophic. One of our leading climate scientists (Jim Hansen who works at NASA) recently said, "tap heavily into that tar sands deposit, and it is essentially game over for the climate." I personally would rather listen to science than the crazed ramblings of lawmakers who live deep in the pockets of big oil companies. Probably because the opinion of scientists is backed by science and not bribery and blind stupidity.

That brings me to my last point. The GOP is now whining that Obama refuses to work on a bipartisan basis. Oh you mean like they have been doing since 2008? You mean like that? I fail to see how climate change/environmental stewardship/oil is even a bipartisan issue. All of us live on the same planet, and all of us will have to deal with the repercussions. Since my idea to float all of the climate change deniers on a melting polar ice cap until they realize the error of their ways (or fall into the ocean) didn't come through, we really just all need to get over this "debate." It's not a debate, it is science. Obama was 100% right and 100% gangster in vetoing Keystone. It seems to this almost college graduate, that he is the only one actually acting in the interests of the American people. As far as I am concerned, capitol hill can suck it. Keep on keeping on Obama. I got you. 

References:

"Pipe Dreams: How Many Jobs Will Be Created By Keystone XL?" Forbes. Forbes Magazine, n.d. Web. 25 Feb. 2015.

Eilperin, Juliet. "Obama Vetoes Keystone XL Bill." Washington Post. The Washington Post, n.d. Web. 24 Feb. 2015.

"Renewable Energy | State and Local | US EPA." EPA. Environmental Protection Agency, n.d. Web. 25 Feb. 2015.

"Keystone XL Oil Pipeline - Bill McKibben." - The Colbert Report. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Feb. 2015.


Graduation: The 5 Stages of Grief

I am what one calls a super senior. I started college when I was 18, and am now graduating at 24. Granted, its in large part due to when I "dropped out" of school for about two years. But the last few semesters, I had a tendency to feel like this in class:

Old. 

Old. 

But now that graduation is only a couple months away, and job applications take up most of my free time, I feel much more like this:

Yup, a stupid crying baby. 

Yup, a stupid crying baby. 

So here I have made a Kübler-Ross model (5 stages of grief) to moving on from college life. It's like a 12 step program to wean you off your parents wallets and a ramen diet, only you know...it's only 5 steps.

Stage 1: Denial, you're not really leaving

I mean you never did to take that history of rock and roll class or learn how to make a mug in pottery class, and let's face it; those are pretty essential life skills. When weighing that invaluable knowledge against the cost of tuition, knowledge wins every time. Who are you to put a price tag on education!? Definitely stay, you need to stay. In fact, as I'm writing this I have realized that coming to DC was my victory lap, am I living in denial?!

Yes, yes I am.

Yes, yes I am.

Step 2: Anger, why does it have to be over?!

I don't really ever need a legitimate reason to be angry, but being thrust into the adult world with a little piece of paper that says you learned all the things is hardly a comfort. And this job market? Give me a break. Thanks baby boomers for ruining the economy and ever increasing my chances of wiping my tears with my diploma while I lean out of the drive-thru window and ask, "do you want fries with that?" Thanks a lot. Not to mention, every single job application I have seen asks for a minimum of 3 years experience. How am I supposed to get 3 years of experience if no one will hire me!? JUST GIVE ME A JOB!! 

Maybe it's time for another victory lap...

Maybe it's time for another victory lap...

Step 3: Bargaining, maybe I could go to grad school?

Sure, I have thought of going directly into grad school until I remember that I don't really want to sell my kidney to do so. The average cost of an MBA according to Forbes? $100,000. Law School? $150,000. I mean....ouch. So what to do? Work up to a job with a steady income so you can actually afford to pay for said grad school? Or take on massive financial debt before you even get your start in life? DC is all about having fancy little letters behind your name, and I do like the sound of Blair Englebrecht Esquire. But I also don't like the sound of bankruptcy or debt collectors. So either way it's kind of.....

Stage 4: Depression. 

I could be applying for jobs right now but I would rather look at this facebook album of Halloween 2010 and relive my glory days while drinking a whole box of wine and crying. I worked that Ke$ha costume. Everyone always tells you that college will be the best days of your life (or maybe they just said that to me because I was awkward and had no friends in high school), and now it's just over. Just like that. Poof. No more midnight runs to betos, no more waking up at 10 am for your two days of classes a week, no more frat parties (lol jk, no one misses those). From now on it's all 9-5, pantyhose and ugly pants suits, spreadsheets, and working lunches. Say goodbye to the glory days, boys. If you need me I'll be the one drowning in a pile of my own tears and spray cheese.

Stage 5: Acceptance, because what else can you do?

The truth is your parents are tired of paying thousands of dollars a year in tuition and know you're blowing most of your living money on Taco Bell and beer. Time to put those big girl panties on, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or what ever other idiom will make you get off the couch and put Call of Duty down. Truth is, you're ready to be an adult, you've got an education, and (hopefully) have learned basic survival skills like cooking and laundry. You have something that less than 35% of Americans have, a bachelors degree. This is what you've been working for, for at least 4 years. You've had your fun in college, now it's time for adult life fun. What that will look like, I have no idea. But I have a feeling it involves disposable income that doesn't come from the Bank of Dad. Adultsing (I can make up verbs now, I am basically a college graduate) is scary. But if there is one thing I have learned from watching too much television, it's this:

I learn all of my life lessons from Elle Woods.

I learn all of my life lessons from Elle Woods.

Well that and that every good graduation ends with a choreographed dance number and synchronized freeze jump.

Judging me? Don't even care.

Judging me? Don't even care.

Metro Etiquette (Get it Together)

Being here in DC has introduced me to a lovely new concept called, the Metro. Have you heard of it? It's a train that takes you around the city, so you don't have to have a car? Oh, you have? That's weird DC, because the way you behave on it I assumed you're as new to it as I am. So here I find myself, only 10 days from my last Etiquette post, having to use what little knowledge I have of decorum to teach you how not to be generally rude. 

#1: No one wants to listen to your music...seriously.

I know you think you're doing us all a favor by opening our minds to Chromeo's latest hit, but trust me, I am not jealous and I am not too cool to admit it (see what I did there?). I didn't get on the train to have a dance party with strangers, I got on the train to go home after 9 hours of work. Now is not the time for you to play your latest mix tape on full volume with no headphones. Oh and don't think I didn't notice you over there in the corner half a train away from me with your headphones in, I can still hear you. I get it, Kanye is fresh, but I would rather poke my own eyes out than listen to him rap about Kim Kardashian. So do what headphones were made for and turn it down so I don't have to hear it.  

#2: Your bag doesn't need a seat. 

Does your back hurt? have you been on your feet all day? Just want to take a load off? Too bad. You can't because that lady's purse needs it's own seat more than you do. No one understands not wanting to sit by strangers more than me. I am claustrophobic, hate being touched by strangers, and generally hate everyone. If I can suck it up and sit next to the lady who won't stop clearing her throat, you can move your bag and let someone sit down. It's rush hour, don't make it worse than it is. 

#3: THE DOORS ARE CLOSING

Not even lying, last week I saw a lady so desperate to get on the train she almost got cut in half. I thought I was going to see some horribly gory yet somehow justified death straight out of Saw. Ok that's an exaggeration, but she was actually stuck half in and half out of the train. These are not like elevator doors, they don't reopen if you stick your body between them. Instead, you will be awkwardly trapped between them until the conductor opens them for you, and it will be embarrassing. Not only are you making yourself look dumb, but you're holding up the train, and all the trains behind it. Suck it up and wait two minutes until the next one, it won't kill you (I, however, will).

#4: Yes I know, you're very important, but I too have places to go.

There's always that one person who is in a bigger hurry than everyone else. They push, they shove, they cut in line, and they must be stopped. We all have places to go buddy. That effort you went through to get onto the train car already packed tight as a can of sardines before me will probably help you get to your destination 0.05 seconds before I do. Next time, why don't you slow down, let all the other folks off the train before you elbow me to get into the same receptacle we will both be sitting in for the next ten minutes. I can make this real awkward for you. 

#5: Now is not the time to hash out your issues.

I have only been here for a month and I have seen it all. I have seen a break up, I have seen endless amounts of nagging, I have even seen a fist fight (yes, a real, legitimate, cops-were-called, fist fight). Don't get me wrong, I love a little drama (so do you, don't even lie). I don't get a lot of that between my desk job and going home and working on more job applications. However, listening to you snap at your boyfriend about his facebook activities really is just annoying. If you feel like having an all out brawl because he "liked" Trisha's picture of her cat, great. But go home and do that, for the love of god. Also? Having your boyfriend and his 4 friends beat the life out of one small dude, not only is ridiculous, but you're on a train with other people. We can't escape you and your issues until our stop. Check them at the door, sweetie. 

#6: Take your face off of your boyfriends face

This could just be because I am forever alone, bitter, and will probably die a cat lady, but I do not enjoy watching you see how far you can stick your tongue down your boyfriends throat. Not only is it visually disgusting, but the sucking sounds...ugh. I generally hate PDA anyways, but as I mentioned above, you cannot escape people on the train. So I am stuck, during rush hour, sandwiched between two 250 pound dudes, watching you engage in a round of tonsil hockey. It's gross, you're gross. 

Going Vegan in DC (The Struggle is Real)

Don't worry, this is not going to be some annoying (ok, maybe still a little annoying depending on who you are) post where I scream at you that meat is murder and attempt to make you feel guilty about eating it. Rather, it is just a why/how of my choice to try and make the switch to a vegan lifestyle, and let me tell all of you the struggle is real. I am just going to start off by saying that ribs are my favorite food, followed very closely by chicken wings. They are delicious. If it were legal to marry food, that probably would've been it for me. 

Reason why I'm single #1,678,354

Reason why I'm single #1,678,354

I come from a family of hunters, there are three animal carcasses hanging above our mantle and a freezer full of delicious elk meat at home in Utah right now. We don't go vegan in my family, it's just not a thing. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a dirty (not actually, I shower...usually) hippie liberal, and although going vegetarian/vegan always was something I wanted to do I just never actually did it. Then, one of my professors finally got to me. For a project in my Environmental Sociology course last semester, our instructor asked us to do some research on a lifestyle change we would like to try for a week as our final project. This change had to be something healthy for the environment and something that we learned about over the course of the semester, one of which was the American Cattle Industry. I chose to watch "Forks Over Knives" for my research portion, which is a documentary about what the meat industry does to our planet, our bodies, and the suffering endured by livestock. To say it shocked me is putting it extremely mildly. Even when you don't take into account the way we treat livestock (which after seeing this movie is nearly impossible) switching to a vegan diet can lower your carbon footprint by nearly 2 tons annually, and will help lower your cholesterol, blood pressure, and chances of heart disease and cancer dramatically. But I love animals, so knowing what we put them through (castration without anesthesia being just one of a plethora of things) was just the last push I needed. So about a month before I moved here to DC I decided to start tapering off my meat and dairy consumption with the hopes I would eventually never eat them. By the time I got here I had it down to twice a week. Now I am eating meat once a week, and trying to make it to once a month. But you guys, DC food is amazing not to mention you can get delivery from anywhere pretty much anytime you want. Had a rough day at work? Order a cheeseburger. 

Man troubles? Pizza time. 

You get my point: food fills the cracks of your heart. Also, I love eating out, as do most people. It's convenient, it's way better than my burnt grilled cheese at home, and it's fun to go out with your friends and eat so much you want to die a little (bottomless brunch anyone?). It's also how you network, you meet contacts for lunch/dinner. But perhaps my greatest fear is being that girl who goes to a restaurant with her friends and asks the waiter in a very self satisfied way, "Can I get the cobb salad with no meat, no egg, no dressing, and no cheese? I'm vegan." That girl is annoying, I do not like that girl. I always felt like if I went vegan people would assume I am a character straight out of Portlandia:

You have your depressing hipster vegan, your annoying bicycle riding hipster vegan, your crazy hippy protester vegan, and your misandrist (the people everyone confuses feminists with) lesbian vegan. But the thing that shocked me most is no one has really put me in that box yet. In fact, no one even really questions it. Maybe it's because here in DC it's more diverse so there are a lot of people like me, or I just had an irrational fear of being judged; but literally no one cares. DC may be one of the better places in the country to go vegan. In nearly every restaurant there is at least one (usually several) vegetarian or vegan options, and every grocery store carries a ton of meat alternatives and dairy free cheese. Really the only thing standing in my way of being 100% vegan is me, and my love of meat. Everything is fine until I walk by Love & Pizza and get a whiff of delicious, cheesy, meaty pizza. So in order to give myself one last kick in the pants to get off meat and animal biproducts entirely, I will be spending my valentines day watching Earthlings, a documentary about the meat industry that was called, "one of the most gory movies of all time." Shockingly enough, no one wants to take me on a date for valentines (no one is shocked by that, not even me). Because I would rather sit inside watching animals being tortured, then venture out into the sentimental crap shoot that is valentines day in DC (maybe I am a depressing hipster vegan after all). 

Why I Would be a Horrible Secretary as Told by Ron Swanson

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I would make the worst Secretary (of a U.S. Federal Government Department)...basically ever. I had this revelation while sitting at a Senate Finance Committee Hearing on the HHS FY 2016 Budget. As many of you (I sincerely hope) know, the GOP is having a hypothetical cow over the Affordable Care Act (ACA). They have launched several lawsuits against it, which have thus far mostly failed (shocker). The most recent of these frivolous lawsuits being Halbig v. Sebelius which goes after the government subsidies that make ACA plans affordable. The Washington Post summarizes it in a few sentences:

"Put Simply, destroying the subsidies destroys the mandate, which in turn destroys the possibility of insurance market reforms. A verdit in favor of Halbig would therefore reduce the private health insurance market to what it was before health reform. The end result would be very costly insurance."

Way to look out for us, GOP. So for some reason unbeknownst to me, Senator hatch (R-Utah) and Senator Cornyn (R-Texas) chose the BUDGET meeting to attack Secretary Burwell over a lawsuit that hasn't even happened yet. They would ask her repeatedly if she had a contingency plan in the event the lawsuit succeeded, then 3 seconds into her answer interrupt her and tell her she's not answering the question. 

Now last time I checked, speculating over a lawsuit that hasn't occurred and hashing out a budget have actually nothing to do with each other. That budget meeting was about an already existing law, and how Secretary Burwell wanted to use the requested funds to continue to improve upon it. So when Cornyn started getting red in the face and repeatedly telling her that she was in contempt of the committee, Burwell just sat there. She sat there like the classy lady she is. 

Secretary Burwell gets a lot of flack because her background is not in politics. She was never a senator or a representative, she comes from an administrative background working as the Secretary for the OMB and several charitable groups including the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. I won't disagree that she lacks some of the speaking skills that her predecessors had, she couldn't really talk around Hatch and Cornyn's repetitive questions enough to satisfy them. Instead, she just kept repeating that they were focused on the existing law (ACA) and refused to speculate over Halbig. Not even once did she raise her voice (unlike Cornyn) or make a condescending comment (unlike Hatch, "I am tired of cleaning up after you Democrats.") No, she just sat there. Meanwhile, I am about three seats behind her, and I cannot roll my eyes hard enough to portray how ludicrous the whole situation was. By the way, I am quite sure Cornyn saw one of these and it is my crowning glory. To get back to the point, why would I make a horrible secretary? Well, the first time they asked me what I was going to do if Halbig succeeded, my reaction would have gone something like this:

Because if you think the supreme court is going to rule to take away healthcare subsidies, which would effectively force people to pay way higher premiums that they can't afford, you're insane.  Then, when they told me I was in contempt of the committee because I wouldn't answer their question, my reaction would have been precisely this:

Because answering their question by saying all I was interested in at this point is upholding the law, is an answer. Speculating about a court case that basically amounts to you and your cronies throwing a little hissy fit, is not. I suspect that everyone in that room knew that if she had, the media and others would have taken it and twisted it any way they saw fit. Then, when Cornyn condescendingly turned to Hatch and said, "Isn't the Secretary charming?' My reaction would have probably been worse than this:

ktPTiz0.gif

Because we all know how you feel about her and I venture to guess that you would never say that to a man. Then when Cornyn went on a 15 minute rampage asking the same question until he was blue in the face and whining to Hatch about my "contempt" I would've done this:

Because we are at a budget meeting, so here's a wild idea: ask me about the budget. But before I walked out the door with two birds in the air I would've turned around and said this:

Because you came into this meeting talking about bipartisanship and working together to create a better ACA but instead you wasted everyone's time talking about a lawsuit. And that, ladies and gents, is why I will never be a Secretary of anything. 

In Conclusion: Ron Swanson is my spirit animal.

Museum Etiquette, Learn it, Live it, Love it.

Let me start off by saying, I am not a proper lady most of the time. I slouch, I curse, not even going to lie when I was a kid I could burp the alphabet (slash I maybe still can). So when I am telling you that you need to learn some manners, you seriously need to learn some manners. 

One of my favorite things about D.C. thus far is the plethora of free museums. Yes, I said free. I have checked four off my list (American History, Air and Space, Natural History, and the Holocaust Memorial Museum). I like to get my learning on. What I do not like, is people who do not know how to behave in public. These people, I have decided, congregate in museums. So I have decided to spend my precious time writing a basic guide for museum etiquette. I may even turn it into a brochure and start handing them out to people who bother me (which is everyone).

Museum Etiquette Rule #1: Hey, I am reading that. 

Here's the thing, museums are crowded, I understand that sometimes it's difficult to find a spot to stand and read things without mildly blocking my view. But if you walk up to something I and three other people are CLEARLY reading and stand your Disney sweatshirt wearing, mom jean clad butt directly in front of it....

I can't tell you how often this happens. Especially on a crowded weekend, there could be 5 people standing in the vicinity of a display trying to read it and one oblivious museum go-er will just plant themselves directly in front. If you are one of those people....you. must. stop. I will stand directly behind you with an evil glare tattooed on my face, clear my throat, and maintain direct eye contact until you move (this is actually really effective). Just be considerate, we are all here to learn, not stare at your back. 

Museum Etiquette Rule #2: Control your kids. Seriously.

Look kids are hard, I get it you can't always control them. But if your offspring is running around touching everything, screaming, and being a general nuisance because you aren't paying any attention to what they're doing....please for the love of god, stop them. This is especially true for the more somber museums, like the Holocaust Memorial Museum. If your children aren't old enough to understand they need to shut up in places like that, take them to Air and Space, or Natural History, or the zoo (maybe leave them there), or really anywhere that is away from me. Because if little Jimmy is touching something that shouldn't be touched, stepping on my feet to hang himself over the sign I am trying to read, or pushing me out of the way...I will say something, and you will not like it (or me). Usually making direct eye contact and saying, "hey, I'm reading that" will scare them enough that they run away. If your child is having an epic hissy fit melt down, take them to the bathroom or outside or somewhere where they won't shatter the eardrums of everyone around you. Don't just let them roll around in the middle of the floor while you sit in a bench nearby and watch them. I didn't come to the museum to hear your child scream about not getting McDonalds for lunch. 

Museum Etiquette Rule #3: Not the time or place for PDA

So I am sitting in the "Voices of Holocaust" exhibit in the Holocaust Museum, which is a quiet room where you can listen to survivors tell their story. It's a very moving and sober exhibit, and may I mention, not the time to suck your boyfriends face off. There is a time and a place for it, listening to a woman talk about losing her whole family in Auschwitz is not one of them. 

Museum Etiquette Rule #4: If museums bore you, don't go.

Hey 14 year old girl wearing a crop top and uggs, I don't care that you hate museums. No one here cares that you hate museums. If you hate museums, don't go to them. Or just pull on some big girl panties and quit whining. Judging by the amount of duck face selfies you just took, I would say that you probably really need to be here.  This goes for adults too, if museums are boring to you stop going to them. Some of us really love them, and don't like to be interrupted by you talking about how lame it is.  You know what's not lame? Being intelligent. Do you know how you get to be intelligent? By learning things. Do you know where you can learn things? At museums. Ipso facto, wipe the pout off of your face and read some stuff.

To put an end to this, I would like to give a shout out to my fellow respectful museum go-er's. You the real MVP.

Suit Up!

If anyone is as big of a "How I met Your Mother" fan as I am, you have undoubtedly heard legendary Barney Stinson exclaim:

In D.C., suiting up is a daily thing. For someone like me who didn't even have to wear pants to work (I was a Scuba Instructor, get your mind out of the gutter) the concept of suiting up everyday made me nauseous. 

A bikini and a wetsuit was my everyday uniform for about 1.5 years. I didn't smell great.

A bikini and a wetsuit was my everyday uniform for about 1.5 years. I didn't smell great.

So now that I am living in our nations capitol, I am faced with dressing like a real adult every single day. This is made increasingly trickier by the fact that adult clothes make feel like this:

                                                           This baby looks better in a suit than I do, seriously.

                                                           This baby looks better in a suit than I do, seriously.

Or like this:

I feel like men have it relatively easy. Throw on a suit and tie and you're done. Women have dress pants, blazers, dresses, skirts, tights, sweaters, boots, heels, flats, and about a thousand other wardrobe options to choose from. Not only do we have to sort through the myriad of options every day at 6 am, but we also have to contend with the whole, "I want to look professional in my pants suit, but I don't want to be a Hillary" thing. For those who live under a rock, the media loves to make fun of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits, usually for being too masculine (or you know... lime green).

                                                                 Not even hating. I love Hillary Clinton, work it girl.

                                                                 Not even hating. I love Hillary Clinton, work it girl.

Or on the flip side of the coin, you don't want to be a Sarah, who frequently was criticized for being too feminine.

Definitely hating now. Sweet leather jacket Sarah, who gave it to you? The NRA? Hey guys, when Sarah is done with her speech she is riding home on a Harley, she didn't have time to change. (sorry/not sorry)

Definitely hating now. Sweet leather jacket Sarah, who gave it to you? The NRA? Hey guys, when Sarah is done with her speech she is riding home on a Harley, she didn't have time to change. (sorry/not sorry)

So there I am, every morning, standing in my closet before the sun comes up wondering, "what will make me look less a power lesbian?" or, "will this help people take me seriously as a woman?" Then I come to the inevitable conclusion, being a woman sometimes sucks.  Have you ever heard anyone look at George Bush, or Barack Obama and go, "what is he wearing? That suit makes his hips look huge." I haven't. Unfortunately for me, pants suits actually do make my hips look huge (Hillary gets it). Not only do men judge women, but women judge each other. I am no exception (but seriously with that leather jacket). Then when we get done with everyone else judging us, we judge ourselves. Up until now I have only had to deal with this 6 am headache once in a blue moon, but now it's an everyday thing (I think I may be getting an ulcer... seriously). Just a few days ago I put on a tweed skirt and sweater set (barf), and I could think of was:

                                                  Have you ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?

                                                  Have you ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?

I think Tina Fey should make a sequel called, "Mean Young Professionals" where all the plastics grow up and have to deal with wearing blazers. How manly would your shoulders look then Regina George?

In conclusion, it is amazing how fast a post about suits can turn into a feminist rant when you have spanx a mile up your butt and blisters on your feet from your 2 inch heels. 

What it's Like to Finally Find Your People

This is me, circa 1993. Seemingly normal, if not a little bit awkward thanks to a haircut my mom picked out for me. I spent most of my life living in Colorado Springs, a predominately white, Christian, and unquestioningly republican neighborhood. While I fall into one of those categories (being as white as a loaf of wonder bread), I struggled with the others. My mother and stepfather are republican, and my dad is a bleeding heart liberal just like me. I am not sure what factors exactly contributed to me leaning to one side over the other, but let me assure you, being one of about 10 liberals in my high school was a total of zero fun. People actually keyed my sister and I's car once just because of a John Kerry sticker we had on the bumper. But it was a 1999 Subaru Outback, you're going to tell me we are supposed to not have a John Kerry sticker on the bumper? Long story short, I moved to Park City the day after I graduated. Now wait a minute, isn't Park City in Utah? Which is basically like Colorado Springs on steroids with a heavy sprinkling of LDS? Yes, it is. I moved there because of one my two true loves:

Disclaimer: I stole this photo. Sorry/Not Sorry.

Disclaimer: I stole this photo. Sorry/Not Sorry.

Yes, I Blair Englebrecht was one of those weirdo's on an alpine raceboard. I had dreams of going to the Olympics once, and I may have someday made it if it weren't for about 6 concussions. So there I was, trapped in the confinement of Utah without even my snowboard to help me escape (doctors orders). Fitting in in Utah was perhaps harder for me even than Colorado Springs. I at least had a common denominator in Colorado of loving beer. So what did I do? Funny you should ask:

I moved to Indonesia, to become a PADI dive instructor. I then moved to Oahu to teach for about a year. It was a dream, dive during the day, go to be beach to do some body surfing or play beach volleyball at night, wash/rinse/repeat. I get the question all the time, "why did you leave?" It's a fair question. For me, a life without substance isn't a life worth living. I had lived my whole life solely for myself, and I believe that substance comes from contributing to the world around you. I was diving these dying coral reefs everyday that used to be healthy and full of life, and now they are skeletons of what they once were. Now, a dive instructor with big dreams and goals is not something you come across everyday. It is a very in the moment lifestyle, which is great for some but I just wanted more. So, fast forward to now. I am in my last semester of my undergraduate and at 24 and after two countries, and four states (did a brief stint in Texas), I think I have finally found my home. Washington, D.C. is a place that I can go on a rampage about congress and global warming and people actively engage and listen instead of looking at me like I need Jesus. I like taking the metro, I like that everyone is in suits with somewhere to be, I like that people are all trying to climb to the top. I can watch the SOTU in a bar and everyone is totally silent and hanging on every word. No one will tell me that evolution isn't a thing (which happens a lot when you work at an aquarium in Draper). It just feels so right.

TL;DR girl goes on long and unnecessary rant about not ever feeling like she was home, finds home in DC.  

John Boehner and the Grinch...coincidence?

I am the first to admit that I am not John Boehner's biggest fan. But as I watched him fall deeper and deeper into a pout that can only be compared to a toddler who just got told it's bedtime during the State of the Union (SOTU), something occurred to me. This something could be potentially catastrophic. John Boehner looks exactly like the Grinch. I hope that we all remember the family feel good Christmas Classic starring Jim Carrey, and if you don't I am really sad about your childhood. But even if you haven't, you have likely seen this guy before: 

                                                                                                       (A.K.A Jim Carrey, A.K.A The Grinch, A.K.A maybe also John Boehner)

                                                                                                       (A.K.A Jim Carrey, A.K.A The Grinch, A.K.A maybe also John Boehner)

As I am enjoying the sad look on Boehner's face during the SOTU, I started to draw some comparisons. I have come to the inevitable conclusion that John Boehner is in fact, the Grinch. I mean think about it, have you ever seen him in a Santa suit with green skin? No, because he is trying to hide. He thinks we won't notice, but we noticed John. We noticed. Because the internet is such a magical place, it turns out I am not the only one who is thinking this. I give you irrefutable evidence that my claim is true:  

There is just no denying it. Sure, he tweezes his eyebrows now and no longer sports mutton chops, but it is 2015. John Boehner has to stay on trend. Besides the striking physical resemblance, their personalities are eerily similar.  For example, the Grinch famously does not have a heart; John Boehner signed a bill that would cut 40 billion dollars from the food stamp program. Senator James McGovern (D-Massachusetts) called it "one of the most heartless bills" he has ever seen (Nixon, 2013). Ipso facto, both the Grinch and John Boehner have no heart. So, in the end am I saying that John Boehner and the Grinch are one in the same? Yes I am, because...science.

Disclaimer: This blog entry in no way reflects the opinions of the Hinckley Institute of Politics, just those of the author. P.s. Please forgive me. 

Sources:

Nixon, R. (2013, September 19). House Passes Bill Cutting 40 Billion from Food Stamps. Retrieved January 22, 2015, from New York Times website:  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/20/us/politics/  house-passes-bill-cutting-40-billion-from-food-stamps.html?_r=0